How it all started...

It all started when 2 people fell in love...

I knew as soon as I met Frank that he was the man I was going to marry. We went on our first date January 31, 2008. We were inseparable from the beginning. Frank proposed on February 12, 2009. He asked my parents for permission to marry me, just the way I would have wanted it. We were married on October 2, 2010. This was the best day of my entire life!

We always knew we wanted to have a family. We started working on this goal shortly after we were married. It took us much longer then I would have ever thought. Lots of tears were shared between us as we had lots of negative pregnancy tests. We wanted something so badly but what we always noticed is that we always have to work hard for everything we have ever had good in our life. So of course this was going to be the same. I put all my effort month after month into conceiving a baby. Frank put up with me as this process was consuming lots of my time. I did everything by the book knowing one day it was going to happen. After trying for about 11 months, I made us an appointment to see a fertility specialist at the beginning of 2012 so we could find out what was wrong. Everything you are supposed to do to start a family, I did it by the book. In December shortly after making us an appointment with a specialist, I was just not feeling right. I was waiting for my period that never showed day after day. I decided to finally test just to rule out that I wasn't pregnant. I never took a test without Frank being by my side. It was the early morning on December 23 when I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and we planned to take a pregnancy test. I took the test and long behold, we got a positive! This was about 3am and we couldn't fall back asleep after this. We were so happy and excited that we stayed up until it was time to get up for work. That night after work, we went to the book store to buy Grandparent books for the Frank's parents because this was going to be their first grandchild. We planned to wrap the books up and give it to them for Christmas gifts. The Cirillo family was so happy for our news and cried lots of happy tears that Christmas for us. We also told my family around the same time. I will never forget telling my family and all the hugs and excitement that was shown to us.

 As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I joined an August 2012 board on the bump website. All of the girls on the board were pregnant and expecting babies in the month of August. A facebook group was started and I met about 90 wonderful ladies from all over the US and beyond. We shared stories (good and bad), supported one another, shared exciting times throughout the pregnancy, and became such wonderful friends. These woman have become some of the closest friends of mine and I owe all of my strength to this group of woman.

I had a wonderful pregnancy. I felt wonderful for the most part until the end. During the first trimester, I had constant exhaustion but a loving husband that grew to adore me when I would fall asleep at 7pm in the middle of eating dinner. I had heartburn terribly but I just dealt with it. I had to change my diet to high protein because I was loosing weight instead of gaining. The summer came and we started moving forward with planning for our lives to change completely. We were so ready for this change. We prepared a gorgeous nursery awaiting the arrival of Baby Cirillo. We had 3 fabulous showers for Baby Cirillo where we had so much loved shown to us. I read all the books in preparation to be the best mom out there. Pregnancy was great to me until the last month. About 35 weeks in, I started to swell up really bad (I blamed it on the hottest summer Cleveland has had in ages). I was having trouble making it through a whole work day but I kept saying I wanted to work right up to the birth of baby Cirillo. I went for stress tests every Friday to make sure Baby Cirillo had a strong heart beat and was healthy. This little baby would kick me all day every day for the last month that I couldn't sleep and I had Braxton Hick contractions multiple times a day for the last month. I knew before Baby Cirillo ever  came out that we had a true fighter on our hands. Baby Cirillo I knew would have long legs because I felt them kicking me constantly. Some kicks would be so strong that it would stop me in my tracks and I would have to stand or sit still and rub my stomach to get them to stop.

On August 16, 2012 I went in for my weekly OB appointment. My regular Dr. was on vacation so I saw another Dr. in the practice. I had my stress test and that was perfect. The nurses kept retesting my blood pressure because it was high. I was hoping it was just the heat and I needed to relax. The 5th time of someone checking it, the lowest reading was 155/98. I couldn't believe it, I was in shock. I always received an A+ grade at all my appointments, until today. The Dr. came in and took my blood pressure, 178/110. I was inconsolable at this point and broke down in tears. I was at the Dr. by myself and I had a feeling I was going to receive news I didn't want to hear. I was sent to the hospital to be admitted and to start the labor induction process. I called Frank on my way to the hospital and told him to come ASAP. I couldn't call a single other person though because I was so worried because I was scared now that I all of a sudden developed pre eclampsia at 38weeks and 2 days. That afternoon, around 12:30pm, the induction process began. I had a labor buddy assigned to me from my August mom board and I texted her that the baby would be here anytime as I was already starting to dilate. Frank called all of the family members. My inlaws came up from PA with the hopes of meeting their first grandchild any second. I started on Pitocin and Magnesium IV to start contractions and maintain my blood pressure at a healthy rate. I would receive an increase of Pitocin every 30 minutes to induce the labor. This was about a 8 hour process with receiving an increase every 30 minutes. My body was not dilating anymore then it was when I first checked in. The Dr. then told me to get some sleep that night and started me on a medication during the night that would work while we were taking a break from the Pitocin. It was another hormone that worked in the same way to induce labor. Friday came and started the Pitocin process again. 8 hours into it and at the highest level of Pitocin you can take, I never became anymore dilated. I was so frustrated. I wasn't able to eat, I couldn't get out of bed, I had a waiting room of family members, and felt discouraged that my body was not doing the thing that a woman should be able to do to go into labor to deliver a child. After tears and begging the Dr. if I could just go home on bed rest and let labor just come naturally, she encouraged us to stay so we followed her direction. I was finally able to eat something and get out of bed with a 2 hour break of no medications. Frank bought me my favorite food- pizza! We had a long talk during that 2 hour break and said that we were not going to worry and stress anymore. We were going to be happy. We started the second dose of the nighttime medication to induce labor and went to sleep. We woke up bright and early on Saturday August 18th ready to have a baby today. We changed our attitude and I finally started to dilate a little bit more after the nighttime medication was in and did what it was supposed to do. They started round 3 of the Pitocin. I became a little more dilated each time they checked. Today was going to be our baby's birthday! I received an epidural about 12noon. I felt amazing after that. The first time in 2 days that I was able to relax because the pain was manageable. By about 9pm that night, I was fully dilated. The pain was becoming so severe. I couldn't handle the pain I was feeling in my back. I knew I was having back labor. The Dr. sent the anesthesiologist back in and they determined that I needed a 2nd epidural because of all the pain. About 11pm, I started to push and they paged the Dr. to come in. I was so excited to get to meet Baby Cirillo! The Dr took a few hours to get into the hospital but finally showed up about 1am on 8/19/12. I was in active labor since Thursday at noon. We were so ready to meet our baby! After a hour and half with the Dr. there by my side, Frank P.Cirillo IV was born at 2:34am on 8/19/12. He weighed 6lbs 7oz. He was perfection and we were so in love and smitten with him!

I spent about 2 hours cuddling Frank and having bonding time skin to skin. I had a really bad tear and lost a lot of blood during the process so I was so tired from not sleeping for 3.5 days. We noticed Frank was having some trouble swallowing and had a mucus buildup. The nurses were alarmed at first but he started to do a little better. About 5am, we sent Frankie up to the nursery to be bathed and given all the newborn tests. We took advantage of being able to rest for a few hours. We woke up about 8am and asked if Frankie could be brought down to us. About a hour later, Frankie still was not delivered down to us. I sent Frank up to the nursery to check on him and go get him and bring him down thinking they were busy. About 45minutes later, Frank came in with his sister and gave me the news that Frankie was still having a problem swallowing. The Dr. came in after and told us what was wrong with Frankie. He had an trachea esophageal fistula (otherwise known as a TE). Frankie would be requiring surgery and they felt it was best for him to go to The Cleveland Clnic where he could get the best care possible. There was a surgeon that was going to look at Frankie and see what he could do to make him feel better. Later that morning, Frankie was transported to the Cleveland Clinic. Before he left, the transporters brought him down to us to say good bye. We kissed him through the incubator being sure not to wake him. He was sleeping so peacefully. Frankie had a tube down his mouth that was draining the mucus out of his throat. It was sad to see him like this but I know it was for the best as it was going to get him feeling better. We got word later that I could transfer down to the same hospital that Frankie was at. I felt so great having us in the same place. I was still on bedrest so Frank went down and spent the evening with Frankie in the NICU. Frank met some great people that work in the NICU and some of the other parents that had babies there. There was one nurse pracitioner, Sharon who we will never forget. She was so sweet and always made us feel good. Sharon had such a sweet and comforting way about her. Frank came up to were I was and had so many nice things to say about the  NICU. We were going to get Frankie feeling better, stronger, and get him home with us! Aunt Mo came with lots of goodies and to visit. She went down to the NICU with Frank to meet Frankie. I felt that we were in the best place possible. The next day, Monday, I was able to get out of bed, transferred to another floor in the hospital, and finally be able to see my Frankie. We went down to see him Monday night. Frankie looked great! He was under bili lights, swaddled up, warm, and just looked amazing! Aunt Manda and Uncle Brian came to visit that night. Everyone went on and on about how beautiful Frankie was. He was a gorgeous baby- Fraty made him! He melted my heart he was so precious. I was feeling so hormonal and sad that he wasn't coming home with us the next day that I cried while visiting him. Frank kept me strong. THe next day, I was discharged in the morning but we spent the afternoon and early evening in the NICU by Frank's side. My parents came to visit that night and we scored some great pictures of Frankie that my mom took. They bought him a metal to hang in his incubator and a Mom necklace for me to wear. That night I was so sad that he was not coming home with us. We met and talked to the surgeon. Surgery was planned for Thursday 8/23/12. We came in right away to visit on Wednesday 8/22/12. We finally got a good nights sleep in our own bed that we felt so much better. We brought books and toys for Frankie to leave in the NICU. We had such a great day visiting with him that day. Frankie let us hold him all day long and barely let out a peep. He was so alert and would stay awake looking up at us. We wanted to have a day of cuddling with him since the next day was going to be his major surgery. The best moment that I had with us being a family of 3 was that Wed night before we left for the night and we read a book to Frankie. Frankie was awake the entire time and had all attention on the story. We tucked him in, closed his incubator, and told him how much we loved him and he was going to do so great the next day for his surgery. Thursday 8/23 we were there before 8am. We wanted a few hours of cuddle time with him before he went off to surgery. They let us gown up and walk back to the room where they were going to do the surgery. The staff was so sweet. One of the surgery assistants yelled at one of the surgery residents because before they swaddled Frankie up, they made sure the resident saw that it was you and confirmed his name on your foot ID band. We swaddled Frankie up and put Frankie in the incubator to go for a ride. We arrived at the surgery room and they even let us come back to see where the surgery was going to take place. The resident started to un swaddle Frankie and he wasn't having it! Starting screaming bloody murder. He was all warm, snuggley, awake, and content. Then that woman came in and took Frankie apart as the surgery assistant snapped at her and said "this is why we did this in the NICU so you wouldn't unwrap him. Now you have him pissed off at you". All I could think was you dumb broad, they didn't teach you about not upsetting the newborn baby in medical school now did they! We sat in the waiting room with Nana and Tata, Aunt Manda, Nona Cirillo, mom, dad, and Papa Cirillo there in spirit on the phone for most of the day. We were so nervous while Frankie was back there for about 8 hours. We started to get so anxious because they told us the surgery would last about 6 hours and we were over 8 hours in. Then we finally got the good news that Frankie was out of surgery and the Dr would be talking to us soon. While everyone else waited in the waiting room, we went back and talked to the surgeon. They explained that Frankie was going to be very swollen and on a ventilator for breathing after the surgery for about 48 hours. We came down to see Frankie quickly in the NICU before we went home for the night. We weren't able to hold him and didn't want to touch him and make him agitated. Frank and I were so proud. Our son was such a fighter. What baby at 4 days old can go through a surgery like this and make it out with flying colors. A Cirillo baby that is who!! We went home and called/texted every person that we knew to tell them that the surgery was successful. Everyone was so proud and cheering Frankie on. The next morning we went in to visit. It was Friday and we had a really good nurse that day. Her name was Megan and she was a very good nurse. She kept her eye on Frankie and was telling the Dr's and nurse practioners when Frankie needed medication. We left Frankie in the incubator that day to rest. He was not to be moving his head or neck since he just had surgery on his esophagus. We were there and spent about 10 hours with him and just watched him rest and move around here and there but he was pretty calm. We gave our good night kisses, said good bye to the staff, and the other parent friends that we have met during the week in the NICU. There was one baby that was really cute in the incubator across from Frankie, her name was Isla. She was getting ready to go home after the weekend and we became friends with her parents each day as all of us sat there with our babies all day.

Saturday August 25th was the worst day of our entire lives. We said goodbye to our son and sent him to heaven. The details of what happened that day are not being shared right now. Down the road we may choose to talk about it but at this point 2 months after saying goodbye, we like to say that August 25, 2012 will be a day that never existed. For all the years to follow, I think the same will remain true. August 25 will always be erased from our memories.

Please share with us by reading our blog. Sharing in our joys, tears, and excitement as we build our family that started when two people fell in love...