I have started attending a support meeting group for parents who lost an infant while in the later stages of utero, still birth, or within the first year of life. This group will be meeting every week for 9 weeks, January 26- March 23 at Cornerstone in Independence, OH. We will reflect our feelings, share out feelings, support one another, and the best thing for me- to learn about how to deal appropriately with an infant loss.
The first class, I went by myself. I was ok with this because I am never going to tell a person how to grieve and what they should do. I mentioned it to Frank and he wanted more time to think about it. I went to the first group meeting and went home and told Frank all about it. Now Frank will be coming to join us starting next week. There are 5 other couples and 2 moderators of the group. I felt so great meeting other people. I knew that we were not the only people who experienced an infant loss but going to this group and seeing other couples have had the same experience in common unfortunately was so refreshing to me. I know I am not the only one, not that I ever thought that but seeing these other parents who are hurting the same way I am made me feel like I really fit in here.
We started by sitting in a circle. I was the first person to enter the room and sit down. I was by myself and everyone else was a couple so I wanted to sit next to one of the moderators just in case I needed someone to help me. On the other side of me was a woman named Maria who was there with her husband Nick. I feel like I "connected" with her from the start. We went around the circle and we introduced ourselves, stated what our current job was, and what our dream job is. I went first and as everyone else kept speaking, little details about our losses came up. Throughout each of us talking, I started to tell people that I had the same problem or agreed with them. Next, we learned about how to be respectful to the other adults in the room and covered guidelines of the group. Next we filled our registration forms and received some homework assignments for the next week. We are to fill out a survey on feelings we have experienced in the last week. Also, we have a shield and in the first quadrant, we are to write our baby's name and think of a word that describes our baby for every letter in the name. The last project that we did to end the group is look at a map and a list of cars. We had to say our form of transportation and where we were on the map. Forms of transportation included mini van, semi, old beat up car, sports car, a bike, and horse and carriage. On the map, locations included guilty gully, frightened woods. anger, sad, etc. I chose the mini van because I feel safe in the mini van. Not moving too fast and not moving too slow. It was interesting to here what everyone else had to say. We ended the class in a prayer.
Each week, I look forward to updating on my blog how each support group meeting goes over the course of 9 weeks.
Marriage, infant loss, family
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Sunday Funday!
Hi Frankie!
Happy Sunday Funday! It was a great weekend and our entire day was spent with family. I feel so good and "refreshed" after today. Nona and Papa have been having a tough time. If you could keep an extra eye out on them, Mom and Dad would really appreciate it. Papa has been really worried about Mom and Dad and has been down in the dumps that he has been dealt a bad hand in life. We had a great talk with Papa and Aunt Manda and Nona joined us. Papa is going to do great moving forward but he needs some good thoughts sent his way if you could watch out for that. Thanks mom's sweet boy!
We saw your cousins tonight for a little bit. It was so great to see them! Mom and Dad love those kids, they are such happy and well behaved kids. They are coming over to spend the night with us on Saturday. Since you can't be in the crib (I know you have a better crib up there in heaven anyways), your little cousin Casey is going to sleep in it. Violet and Vince will sleep in Nona and Papa's room. Casey is still a baby and he needs a crib. To be honest with you buddy, I am looking forward to having kids in this house. I know one day we are going to have kids of our own here with us but while we wait, I am so excited to have your cousins stay the night. I love being your mommy Frankie! I have the most gorgeous angel a person can ask for. I hope to sneak in a quick cuddle with Casey in the rocker and being able to peek into that room during the night and have a baby in that crib. If it can't be you, the next best thing would be your handsome cousin Casey. I know the night of the sleepover, you are going to be here with us in spirit. I will keep the little giraffe out that symbolizes you our watching us all night! I will report on our visit on Sunday how it went.
Mom started a class yesterday that meets every Saturday morning. Daddy is going to be joining me next week and we get to talk all about you. Mommy met some really nice mommies there and after next week, I am going to take note of all the other angel babies from my group for you to watch over. Then Mom and Dad went out on a date. Frankie, I am so proud of your daddy right now. I tell him this but honest to goodness, i am so proud of him. There was a long time where we were not able to leave the house and we wanted to just stay in. Now we are back to being fun old Fraty. Dating around the town, going to the mall, going to see friends, parties, and just getting out. I am so happy that he is making his jokes (appropriate and inappropriate) again and being the center of attention. I have a different kind of surreal love for you and Daddy that I will never be able to ever talk about it. Thank you for helping Daddy be so wonderful.
We miss you buddy, not a minute goes by that either dad or I are not thinking of you. I am so glad you are not suffering and I know you are having the best life a baby could ask for where not a single thing goes wrong in the perfect world of heaven. I would take pain and suffering every day of my life just to make sure you are safe and the happiest that you can be. With you in Grandma's arms, I know you are in the best hands I could ask for. Mom and Dad are going to be shopping for some new decorations to bring you at the cemetery. It is hard in the winter but you have been working so hard keeping everyone safe and healthy that I told Daddy we need to find the best treat that a baby boy of 5.5 months could ever want.
Love you to the moon and back sweet baby boy!
Mama
Happy Sunday Funday! It was a great weekend and our entire day was spent with family. I feel so good and "refreshed" after today. Nona and Papa have been having a tough time. If you could keep an extra eye out on them, Mom and Dad would really appreciate it. Papa has been really worried about Mom and Dad and has been down in the dumps that he has been dealt a bad hand in life. We had a great talk with Papa and Aunt Manda and Nona joined us. Papa is going to do great moving forward but he needs some good thoughts sent his way if you could watch out for that. Thanks mom's sweet boy!
We saw your cousins tonight for a little bit. It was so great to see them! Mom and Dad love those kids, they are such happy and well behaved kids. They are coming over to spend the night with us on Saturday. Since you can't be in the crib (I know you have a better crib up there in heaven anyways), your little cousin Casey is going to sleep in it. Violet and Vince will sleep in Nona and Papa's room. Casey is still a baby and he needs a crib. To be honest with you buddy, I am looking forward to having kids in this house. I know one day we are going to have kids of our own here with us but while we wait, I am so excited to have your cousins stay the night. I love being your mommy Frankie! I have the most gorgeous angel a person can ask for. I hope to sneak in a quick cuddle with Casey in the rocker and being able to peek into that room during the night and have a baby in that crib. If it can't be you, the next best thing would be your handsome cousin Casey. I know the night of the sleepover, you are going to be here with us in spirit. I will keep the little giraffe out that symbolizes you our watching us all night! I will report on our visit on Sunday how it went.
Mom started a class yesterday that meets every Saturday morning. Daddy is going to be joining me next week and we get to talk all about you. Mommy met some really nice mommies there and after next week, I am going to take note of all the other angel babies from my group for you to watch over. Then Mom and Dad went out on a date. Frankie, I am so proud of your daddy right now. I tell him this but honest to goodness, i am so proud of him. There was a long time where we were not able to leave the house and we wanted to just stay in. Now we are back to being fun old Fraty. Dating around the town, going to the mall, going to see friends, parties, and just getting out. I am so happy that he is making his jokes (appropriate and inappropriate) again and being the center of attention. I have a different kind of surreal love for you and Daddy that I will never be able to ever talk about it. Thank you for helping Daddy be so wonderful.
We miss you buddy, not a minute goes by that either dad or I are not thinking of you. I am so glad you are not suffering and I know you are having the best life a baby could ask for where not a single thing goes wrong in the perfect world of heaven. I would take pain and suffering every day of my life just to make sure you are safe and the happiest that you can be. With you in Grandma's arms, I know you are in the best hands I could ask for. Mom and Dad are going to be shopping for some new decorations to bring you at the cemetery. It is hard in the winter but you have been working so hard keeping everyone safe and healthy that I told Daddy we need to find the best treat that a baby boy of 5.5 months could ever want.
Love you to the moon and back sweet baby boy!
Mama
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Happy 5 months to you!
Hey Buddy,
Happy 5 months to you today. If you were here we would take your picture in the cute as hell onesie that Aunt Manda made you for this month. I would have you sit in the rocking chair with your blue doggy that Daddy bought you. Babies your age are starting to eat baby food, rice cereal, some are teething, and some can roll over now. In heaven where you are, every day is a big day. Every day is like a party up there I bet!
Sorry I didn't write for a few weeks. Our computer crashed and I was not able to type you letters on my phone. I have some catching up to do. Daddy and I got new appliances for the kitchen and they were delivered today. We went and ran errands today and we ran into Aunt Mo, Uncle Brian, and your cousins Violet, Vince, and Casey. Violet and Vince are growing up so quickly. They are coming over for a sleepover here in a few weeks. Is it ok if your cousin Casey sleeps in your crib? I am sure you would mind. I will love having a baby sleep in that crib. If it can't be you, we couldn't think of another baby we would want in there then Casey.
May I put in a few requests to the best looking angel ever to exist? A lot of the pals on the August board are having trouble sleeping. Their moms laugh because they are laughing and wanting to have fun during the middle of the night. I can't help but think that you are paying them a visit during the middle of the night! Thanks for coming in and playing with them to keep them laughing but maybe we can give the mommas a little bit of a break too? Most of the babies are feeling better now. A few colds but all of the babies are out of the hospital. I know you have been busy up there but you do such a good job for everyone.
Can you keep mom and dad in your good vibes as well. We are working very hard right now in making you a big brother. I know you want to be a big brother and we want to have a baby in our arms again because we had such a great time holding you! Mom and Dad's friends Becky and Sean need these same good vibes sent to them if you don't mind. Thanks Frankie!!
Things are going well here. It has been warm and cold and warm and cold.It has been very strange here this year. We keep dreaming of having that baby (babies) in our arms. Would you mind if mommy went to the hosptial as a volunteer and rock and snuggle some babies in the NICU (sick baby unit as I call it)? They can't provide me with the love that you did but it is the next best thing.
How are you? Are Grandma and Silvie great? Are you getting really big and eating lots of good food up there? Sipping on Gram's red wine? I bet you are looking so fancy these days! I often find myself imagining what you look like as you grown up. You probably have Dad's cute nose and ears. You have mom's long legs for sure with dark, thick hair for sure.
Mom and Dad's favorite time of the week is tomorrow and we will get to visit and talk to you! I hope you are up when we come visit so you know that we are there to talk and see you. Please always know that Dad and I love you to the moon and back buddy! See you in a few short hours!
Love you sooooooo much!
Mom and Dad
Happy 5 months to you today. If you were here we would take your picture in the cute as hell onesie that Aunt Manda made you for this month. I would have you sit in the rocking chair with your blue doggy that Daddy bought you. Babies your age are starting to eat baby food, rice cereal, some are teething, and some can roll over now. In heaven where you are, every day is a big day. Every day is like a party up there I bet!
Sorry I didn't write for a few weeks. Our computer crashed and I was not able to type you letters on my phone. I have some catching up to do. Daddy and I got new appliances for the kitchen and they were delivered today. We went and ran errands today and we ran into Aunt Mo, Uncle Brian, and your cousins Violet, Vince, and Casey. Violet and Vince are growing up so quickly. They are coming over for a sleepover here in a few weeks. Is it ok if your cousin Casey sleeps in your crib? I am sure you would mind. I will love having a baby sleep in that crib. If it can't be you, we couldn't think of another baby we would want in there then Casey.
May I put in a few requests to the best looking angel ever to exist? A lot of the pals on the August board are having trouble sleeping. Their moms laugh because they are laughing and wanting to have fun during the middle of the night. I can't help but think that you are paying them a visit during the middle of the night! Thanks for coming in and playing with them to keep them laughing but maybe we can give the mommas a little bit of a break too? Most of the babies are feeling better now. A few colds but all of the babies are out of the hospital. I know you have been busy up there but you do such a good job for everyone.
Can you keep mom and dad in your good vibes as well. We are working very hard right now in making you a big brother. I know you want to be a big brother and we want to have a baby in our arms again because we had such a great time holding you! Mom and Dad's friends Becky and Sean need these same good vibes sent to them if you don't mind. Thanks Frankie!!
Things are going well here. It has been warm and cold and warm and cold.It has been very strange here this year. We keep dreaming of having that baby (babies) in our arms. Would you mind if mommy went to the hosptial as a volunteer and rock and snuggle some babies in the NICU (sick baby unit as I call it)? They can't provide me with the love that you did but it is the next best thing.
How are you? Are Grandma and Silvie great? Are you getting really big and eating lots of good food up there? Sipping on Gram's red wine? I bet you are looking so fancy these days! I often find myself imagining what you look like as you grown up. You probably have Dad's cute nose and ears. You have mom's long legs for sure with dark, thick hair for sure.
Mom and Dad's favorite time of the week is tomorrow and we will get to visit and talk to you! I hope you are up when we come visit so you know that we are there to talk and see you. Please always know that Dad and I love you to the moon and back buddy! See you in a few short hours!
Love you sooooooo much!
Mom and Dad
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year!
My Angel Frankie~
Happy New Years angel! 2013 is here and it is going to be a great year for you, mom, and dad. We are going to bring you more treats on our visits to you and although we think of you about 50 times a day at least, I think we will only continue to think more about you as we work on making you a proud big brother.
How was New Years Eve in heaven? Did you have a dance party with good food and drinks? Did you have a good celebration with your your great grandparents up there? We had a nice night. Although I would kill to be at home with you but since you are not, mom ad dad had a night on the town. We had a nice dinner and drinks. Today we relaxed, had snacks, and dad took good care of mommy so she could have a relaxing day.
Daddy and I have been thinking and talking a lot lately. We know that you are in the safest place in heaven not having to go through being sick or having a single struggle. You are a baby, you shouldn't have to struggle. Mommy and Daddy are adults and we struggle because we miss you so much. It would break my heart watching you suffer over having stomach issues, swallowing problems, and having to maybe eat through a tube. This is trachea esophageal fistula- you know what Frankie, it stinks the big one. Mom and Dad are here to be the parents and the adults to soften the burden for you so you can be a baby and have a happy life in heaven. We love you so much and I would kill to have you here with us. We would adjust our lives and take the best care of you but I know you would be suffering.
The day you were born was the best thing that ever happened to dad and I. Thank you for being in our lives buddy! Now for 2013, we will be striving to make you happy every day up there. We know you are with us smiling down at us every single day and watching over us. Dad and I are pretty boring so we can't wait until you have a baby brother or sister to watch over that will bring some excitement to you.
The family loved your ornaments that you got them! We also have a few gifts from Nona and Papa here at the house that we want to bring to you on there next visit to you. Some of Mom and Dad's friends made donations in your name to the Ronald McDonald house. Mom has to work on getting some thank you cards out to them.
Here is to 2013 and we can't wait for all the great news that this year is going to bring to you and us!
Love you to the moon and back!
Mom and Dad
Happy New Years angel! 2013 is here and it is going to be a great year for you, mom, and dad. We are going to bring you more treats on our visits to you and although we think of you about 50 times a day at least, I think we will only continue to think more about you as we work on making you a proud big brother.
How was New Years Eve in heaven? Did you have a dance party with good food and drinks? Did you have a good celebration with your your great grandparents up there? We had a nice night. Although I would kill to be at home with you but since you are not, mom ad dad had a night on the town. We had a nice dinner and drinks. Today we relaxed, had snacks, and dad took good care of mommy so she could have a relaxing day.
Daddy and I have been thinking and talking a lot lately. We know that you are in the safest place in heaven not having to go through being sick or having a single struggle. You are a baby, you shouldn't have to struggle. Mommy and Daddy are adults and we struggle because we miss you so much. It would break my heart watching you suffer over having stomach issues, swallowing problems, and having to maybe eat through a tube. This is trachea esophageal fistula- you know what Frankie, it stinks the big one. Mom and Dad are here to be the parents and the adults to soften the burden for you so you can be a baby and have a happy life in heaven. We love you so much and I would kill to have you here with us. We would adjust our lives and take the best care of you but I know you would be suffering.
The day you were born was the best thing that ever happened to dad and I. Thank you for being in our lives buddy! Now for 2013, we will be striving to make you happy every day up there. We know you are with us smiling down at us every single day and watching over us. Dad and I are pretty boring so we can't wait until you have a baby brother or sister to watch over that will bring some excitement to you.
The family loved your ornaments that you got them! We also have a few gifts from Nona and Papa here at the house that we want to bring to you on there next visit to you. Some of Mom and Dad's friends made donations in your name to the Ronald McDonald house. Mom has to work on getting some thank you cards out to them.
Here is to 2013 and we can't wait for all the great news that this year is going to bring to you and us!
Love you to the moon and back!
Mom and Dad
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)