We go to Cornerstone of Hope in a house in Independence, OH every Saturday for this class. This foundation is amazing. This support group that has helped me in so many ways is free to us and the amount of help I have received from this group is something I could never put a price on. I can't wait to make a regular donation every year to Cornerstone of Hope to show our appreciation of them. When we went to today's class, we had a tour of the house. It is gorgeous. It has a library, meeting rooms, relaxation room with a room painted like the clouds, an arts and crafts room, and an entire huge area with toys and activities for kids. They hold support groups for kids and teenagers here too and it was great to see the different areas and rooms. Our homework for this week was to think of a quote/song/ book that has helped us through our journey. I brought 2 examples. Frank did one and I explained the other one. The comment that I gave was " An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book, too beautiful for this earth". My angel is just perfect and at first, I was taken very back by this quote but now I find a lot of joy reading this. My angel is the most beautiful angel there is out there! Without a doubt in my mind, Frankie is loving his life up there in heaven since he can't be here with us. The second quote that we brought to class was what Frank shared. It was a line from my favorite childhood story book. Also, we have a copy of this book with Frankie that we sent him up to heaven with. From the book "I Love You Forever". The quote that I smile and brings me to an immediate place of peace fullness is "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." I can't begin to tell you in words how happy this makes me when I hear this. Frankie even has this book with this quote up in heaven with him!
After we shared our quotes, we watched a movie called "Tear Soup". It was an older movie but it was about a woman who is grieving the loss of a loved one and people and family are always trying to push her along in her grieving process not knowing how long it can take a person to grieve. Like any good soup, time, love, and salt (seasoning) make it taste so good. Never rush a person who is grieving and tears can be salty but we go about every day and "make our soup" or do what we do but we constantly think of our loved one we lost.
After the movie, we had art therapy. I FREAKED out at this point. I am terrible at art and without Pinterest, I would not be a crafty person at all. I don't have a creative bone in me. We made a collage with tissue paper picking 5 top emotions we feel off of a sheet of different emotions that are felt during this process. The emotions that I picked were determined (I am determined to have a family and will never give up), alienated (I knew there were other grieving parents out there in the world but never imagined meeting people in person who can sympathize with my heartache), anxious (I will never be able to have a pregnancy where I don't worry about my baby inside of me), confused (I don't understand if Frankie was so sick, how was eating and taking in food and weighed nearly 7 lbs but he had this problem where his stomach and esophagus that did not meet and couldn't have formula or breast feed when he was born until he had the surgery. I am also confused on what happened that day in the NICU. I still am very sure that the staff in the NICU were not working like they should have been that day and they were not honest with us what happened that day before we arrived), and the final and fifth emotion is sorry (we had a gorgeous baby that so many people did not get to meet. I am sorry for all of those who were not able to meet Frankie before he passed away). The 5 emotions that Frank chose were hurt/sad/sorry, guilty, envious/ jealous, angry, and proud.
We shared our feelings and explained our collages to the class. While we were all working on our project, we were all talking. It was my favorite part of the classes yet. We talked about where we bought our cribs and furniture, what we did with all the baby stuff, how we go to birthday parties for other babies, baby showers, pictures of our angels, and how we commemorate our angels every day. I loved just talking with the other mom and dads. It was great to hear what other people have to say and have been forced with this. Many people comfort us but this group of people comfort us in a a way that luckily most people can't because they just "know" how it feels.
Our class goes from 9am-11am. The class had to be let out at 12noon because something else was going to be going on. We enjoyed talking amongst one another that we went way over our meeting time that day. You know what, I was ok with that. In fact, this was my favorite part of any of the classes because we got to know each other on a different and personal level.
Marriage, infant loss, family
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Support Group Meeting 2 and 3
I am running a little behind on my recaps of our weekly support group but it is never too late to catch up.
The second group meeting was by far the hardest. We started the session by discussing our homework for the week. You had a shield with four quaderants. In the first quaderant, you wrote your child's name out and thought of adjectives that described our child with each letter of their name. Frank and I worked on this next to each other but we didn't share our adjectives. We had a lot of the same adjectives. My adjectives were F= Fighter R= Real A= Alert N= Noble K= Kind I= Impecable E= exciting. Frank's adjectives were F= Fighter R= Really hungry (since he didn't get to eat) A= Alert N= Near K= Kind I= Innocent E= Extraordinary. We share this with the class. Next was what made the class tough because I hate getting emotional and crying in front of other people. We told the story. I was really proud of how I started and discussed how we had a few complications during the pregnancy but for the most part everything was good. I went on to describe how I had to be induced into labor. Describing the tough 3.5 days I had started making me very teary. I talked about how when he came out and he was crying and I was in such a stage of great excitement. Frankie was perfect! I then talked about the best moment of my life when I had this alert and content baby in my arms and I was doing skin to skin contact. Frank started talking from there because I was getting choked up and he knows I hate balling in front of strangers. Frank did a great job telling our story in front of the group. August 25th will be a day that will never exist in my book of life on any year. Just like every time I pass by the Cleveland Clinic and have an anxiety attack before my anger starts coming out. It was so great to have other people who just understood me and had the similar feelings that we have. I finally felt like someone could sympathize with our pain. Everyone else in the class shared their story. There are 5 other babies/children who were brought into heaven way too early. We listened to the other 5 stories as I cried with each of the other moms. I have found so much help and support from this group of people. This is going to be a great release and experience for Frank and I. We always end each group with a nice prayer that helps to keep my faith going.
Third group meeting:
Our homework for this week was to answer the following questions. I felt comfortable answering these questions and I will share my answers here:
1. How has the loss of your love one affected you? I have learned to cherish every moment in my life.
2. How do you think you are coping? I think that I am coping the best to be expected. I also think I have dealth with my grief in a healthy way.
3. Who are your greatest supporters? Frank has been my rock. Family, friends, and my August Moms. I have been amazed by all the help and support that has been shown to us through this process.
4. What's the most challenging thing you find yourself dealing with? What to say to others when they ask me about what happened to my baby.
5. What have you had success with or dealth with rather well? Positive thinking about our future. Also my marriage has become an extreme level of strength that nothing will ever affect us the way this has. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything!
We shared our answers and it was comforting to hear what other people had to say in response to the same questions. Next, we talked about our funeral and gave a description of the day. This was very comforting for me to share when I focused on where Frankie is. Right next to the greatest and strongest woman I have ever met in my entire life, my Grandma Allen. She is the world's best woman and my Frankie is the best little guy up there. They make a perfect pair. When Frankie and I spoke about our funeral, we focused on how it was small, special, private, and just the way we would have wanted it. Perfect was how we both summed it up in one word. We enjoyed to hear other poeple talk about the day for their angel. Some people kept it small, some had a very large gathering, some had a party. Everyone was so happy with their service. We also found out that one of the other little boys is at the same cemetery. I am sure Joey and Frankie are friends!
We shared some comforting things that people have done for us. We also shared things that really hurt us as we went through this process. One of the most comforting things to me was how many people sent us gifts, cards, flowers, thought of us, called to check on us, brought us food, kept me busy while I was off on maternity leave, and just the kindness of family and friends. We will never be able to forget this. One of the things that hurt me through this process was friends who were not there for me. Luckily I only had one which I will not be able to forgive that person for this and she is not longer my friend now. My life is better without negative people bringing us down and expecting us to be the same people we were months ago.
The second group meeting was by far the hardest. We started the session by discussing our homework for the week. You had a shield with four quaderants. In the first quaderant, you wrote your child's name out and thought of adjectives that described our child with each letter of their name. Frank and I worked on this next to each other but we didn't share our adjectives. We had a lot of the same adjectives. My adjectives were F= Fighter R= Real A= Alert N= Noble K= Kind I= Impecable E= exciting. Frank's adjectives were F= Fighter R= Really hungry (since he didn't get to eat) A= Alert N= Near K= Kind I= Innocent E= Extraordinary. We share this with the class. Next was what made the class tough because I hate getting emotional and crying in front of other people. We told the story. I was really proud of how I started and discussed how we had a few complications during the pregnancy but for the most part everything was good. I went on to describe how I had to be induced into labor. Describing the tough 3.5 days I had started making me very teary. I talked about how when he came out and he was crying and I was in such a stage of great excitement. Frankie was perfect! I then talked about the best moment of my life when I had this alert and content baby in my arms and I was doing skin to skin contact. Frank started talking from there because I was getting choked up and he knows I hate balling in front of strangers. Frank did a great job telling our story in front of the group. August 25th will be a day that will never exist in my book of life on any year. Just like every time I pass by the Cleveland Clinic and have an anxiety attack before my anger starts coming out. It was so great to have other people who just understood me and had the similar feelings that we have. I finally felt like someone could sympathize with our pain. Everyone else in the class shared their story. There are 5 other babies/children who were brought into heaven way too early. We listened to the other 5 stories as I cried with each of the other moms. I have found so much help and support from this group of people. This is going to be a great release and experience for Frank and I. We always end each group with a nice prayer that helps to keep my faith going.
Third group meeting:
Our homework for this week was to answer the following questions. I felt comfortable answering these questions and I will share my answers here:
1. How has the loss of your love one affected you? I have learned to cherish every moment in my life.
2. How do you think you are coping? I think that I am coping the best to be expected. I also think I have dealth with my grief in a healthy way.
3. Who are your greatest supporters? Frank has been my rock. Family, friends, and my August Moms. I have been amazed by all the help and support that has been shown to us through this process.
4. What's the most challenging thing you find yourself dealing with? What to say to others when they ask me about what happened to my baby.
5. What have you had success with or dealth with rather well? Positive thinking about our future. Also my marriage has become an extreme level of strength that nothing will ever affect us the way this has. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything!
We shared our answers and it was comforting to hear what other people had to say in response to the same questions. Next, we talked about our funeral and gave a description of the day. This was very comforting for me to share when I focused on where Frankie is. Right next to the greatest and strongest woman I have ever met in my entire life, my Grandma Allen. She is the world's best woman and my Frankie is the best little guy up there. They make a perfect pair. When Frankie and I spoke about our funeral, we focused on how it was small, special, private, and just the way we would have wanted it. Perfect was how we both summed it up in one word. We enjoyed to hear other poeple talk about the day for their angel. Some people kept it small, some had a very large gathering, some had a party. Everyone was so happy with their service. We also found out that one of the other little boys is at the same cemetery. I am sure Joey and Frankie are friends!
We shared some comforting things that people have done for us. We also shared things that really hurt us as we went through this process. One of the most comforting things to me was how many people sent us gifts, cards, flowers, thought of us, called to check on us, brought us food, kept me busy while I was off on maternity leave, and just the kindness of family and friends. We will never be able to forget this. One of the things that hurt me through this process was friends who were not there for me. Luckily I only had one which I will not be able to forgive that person for this and she is not longer my friend now. My life is better without negative people bringing us down and expecting us to be the same people we were months ago.
Happy 6 months!!
Happy 6 months Frankie P!
Please don't kill me for not writing for awhile. I have been keeping Daddy and I very busy the last few weeks. Lots of family time, spring cleaning early, planning Mommy's trip, time with friends, and just focusing on keeping us happy. I know that is the way that you would have wanted it. You want Daddy and I keeping busy and happy so we have been doing that. We have had your cousins over a lot over the last few weeks. Mommy and Daddy enjoy spending time with the 3 of them on our own because it gives us the family aspect that we want so very much.
Can I tell you the funniest thing that happened when we were hanging out with Violet, Vince, and Casey? I know I told you about this but I wanted to share it here with you. We watched them for a sleepover so Brian and Mo could have a night out with no kids to worry about. Mom and Dad's goal was to keep those kids so active they would just crash. First we went to McDonalds for dinner and Vi and Vince played in the play area while Mom and Dad hung out and loved Casey. We left and on the way out, Vi says thank you for dinner and taking them to McDonalds. Next stop was Dave and Busters for more fun. Casey rode around in the stroller while Vi and Vince played games. After a few hours we left. As we were pulling out of the parking lot of D&B's, Casey starts yelling "thank you". That little guy, 1.5 years old was the first one to say thank you! I could already picture the conversation Aunt Mo and Uncle Brian had with them on the way over. Uncle Brian said "you all are to say thank you for everything, have manners, listen to Aunt Katy and Uncle Frank, and say thank you at all times". Casey heard that one loud and clear! It made Mommy and Daddy laugh so hard! I had to share that moment with you! Casey sleeps like an kind in your crib and he says thank you for sharing!
You are 6 months now! Happy half year pal! We love you so very much. We are thinking about you all of the time. Do you hear us praying to you each night? "The father, the son, and the holy ghost"! My night is not complete until I get to pray to you. If you were here, you know we would be saying prayers before story time here at our house. Mom and Dad are already planning your 1st birthday party. We are going to come to you and have a celebration! We will get you the best smash cake that money can buy!
Do you like your new toys? We left our class that we go to every Saturday and drove immediately to go shopping for you. We hit the jackpot! We spent so much money on you that day going overboard with the coolest things for you. You are spinning away there and you have the best little spot. We love to go and visit you every Sunday there at the cemetery. Nona and Papa came to visit today and they loved your spot and left you some toys too! You and your friends enjoy those gifts up there, ok? Nana and Tata go and visit you quite a bit too. You have a teddy bear and some winter toys out there from them.
Our Saturday class is going really well. It may have been the best thing that has helped me through this process. Talking to other Mom's and Dad's who have a child in heaven instead of in their arms has been a wonderful support system. We have made friends with lots of other people and we will be keeping in touch with this group of 10 people for sure. I will need to update you on all of these angel babies so you can make friends with them and watch out for each other up in the best place on earth. There is a new little girl that was brought up to heaven the other day. Her name is Hannah. I know you probably already met her and she has become one of your friends. She is a beautiful little girl!
I have some pictures to upload here. If I don't get to it tonight, I will make sure to put them up in the next few days. I have a chalk board that is the best photo prop E.V.E.R.!
We hope that sooner then the later we will have news that you are going to be a big brother. Nobody will ever be able to replace you but you would make the cutest and best big brother out there. I can't wait to share the big news with you because the moment that we find out that the Cirillo family will be growing, we will be on our way to see you and tell you the big news before we tell another person. Mom had some health things going on but things are starting to get cleared up now so time to get on the good foot as Dad says! You will always be our first baby and I honor you so many times every day. Who is going to be the best big brother out there- Frank P Cirillo IV!
Love you to the moon and back buddy! Here is the picture that I made for your 6 month birthday. Love you so much!
Please don't kill me for not writing for awhile. I have been keeping Daddy and I very busy the last few weeks. Lots of family time, spring cleaning early, planning Mommy's trip, time with friends, and just focusing on keeping us happy. I know that is the way that you would have wanted it. You want Daddy and I keeping busy and happy so we have been doing that. We have had your cousins over a lot over the last few weeks. Mommy and Daddy enjoy spending time with the 3 of them on our own because it gives us the family aspect that we want so very much.
Can I tell you the funniest thing that happened when we were hanging out with Violet, Vince, and Casey? I know I told you about this but I wanted to share it here with you. We watched them for a sleepover so Brian and Mo could have a night out with no kids to worry about. Mom and Dad's goal was to keep those kids so active they would just crash. First we went to McDonalds for dinner and Vi and Vince played in the play area while Mom and Dad hung out and loved Casey. We left and on the way out, Vi says thank you for dinner and taking them to McDonalds. Next stop was Dave and Busters for more fun. Casey rode around in the stroller while Vi and Vince played games. After a few hours we left. As we were pulling out of the parking lot of D&B's, Casey starts yelling "thank you". That little guy, 1.5 years old was the first one to say thank you! I could already picture the conversation Aunt Mo and Uncle Brian had with them on the way over. Uncle Brian said "you all are to say thank you for everything, have manners, listen to Aunt Katy and Uncle Frank, and say thank you at all times". Casey heard that one loud and clear! It made Mommy and Daddy laugh so hard! I had to share that moment with you! Casey sleeps like an kind in your crib and he says thank you for sharing!
You are 6 months now! Happy half year pal! We love you so very much. We are thinking about you all of the time. Do you hear us praying to you each night? "The father, the son, and the holy ghost"! My night is not complete until I get to pray to you. If you were here, you know we would be saying prayers before story time here at our house. Mom and Dad are already planning your 1st birthday party. We are going to come to you and have a celebration! We will get you the best smash cake that money can buy!
Do you like your new toys? We left our class that we go to every Saturday and drove immediately to go shopping for you. We hit the jackpot! We spent so much money on you that day going overboard with the coolest things for you. You are spinning away there and you have the best little spot. We love to go and visit you every Sunday there at the cemetery. Nona and Papa came to visit today and they loved your spot and left you some toys too! You and your friends enjoy those gifts up there, ok? Nana and Tata go and visit you quite a bit too. You have a teddy bear and some winter toys out there from them.
Our Saturday class is going really well. It may have been the best thing that has helped me through this process. Talking to other Mom's and Dad's who have a child in heaven instead of in their arms has been a wonderful support system. We have made friends with lots of other people and we will be keeping in touch with this group of 10 people for sure. I will need to update you on all of these angel babies so you can make friends with them and watch out for each other up in the best place on earth. There is a new little girl that was brought up to heaven the other day. Her name is Hannah. I know you probably already met her and she has become one of your friends. She is a beautiful little girl!
I have some pictures to upload here. If I don't get to it tonight, I will make sure to put them up in the next few days. I have a chalk board that is the best photo prop E.V.E.R.!
We hope that sooner then the later we will have news that you are going to be a big brother. Nobody will ever be able to replace you but you would make the cutest and best big brother out there. I can't wait to share the big news with you because the moment that we find out that the Cirillo family will be growing, we will be on our way to see you and tell you the big news before we tell another person. Mom had some health things going on but things are starting to get cleared up now so time to get on the good foot as Dad says! You will always be our first baby and I honor you so many times every day. Who is going to be the best big brother out there- Frank P Cirillo IV!
Love you to the moon and back buddy! Here is the picture that I made for your 6 month birthday. Love you so much!
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