I am running a little behind on my recaps of our weekly support group but it is never too late to catch up.
The second group meeting was by far the hardest. We started the session by discussing our homework for the week. You had a shield with four quaderants. In the first quaderant, you wrote your child's name out and thought of adjectives that described our child with each letter of their name. Frank and I worked on this next to each other but we didn't share our adjectives. We had a lot of the same adjectives. My adjectives were F= Fighter R= Real A= Alert N= Noble K= Kind I= Impecable E= exciting. Frank's adjectives were F= Fighter R= Really hungry (since he didn't get to eat) A= Alert N= Near K= Kind I= Innocent E= Extraordinary. We share this with the class. Next was what made the class tough because I hate getting emotional and crying in front of other people. We told the story. I was really proud of how I started and discussed how we had a few complications during the pregnancy but for the most part everything was good. I went on to describe how I had to be induced into labor. Describing the tough 3.5 days I had started making me very teary. I talked about how when he came out and he was crying and I was in such a stage of great excitement. Frankie was perfect! I then talked about the best moment of my life when I had this alert and content baby in my arms and I was doing skin to skin contact. Frank started talking from there because I was getting choked up and he knows I hate balling in front of strangers. Frank did a great job telling our story in front of the group. August 25th will be a day that will never exist in my book of life on any year. Just like every time I pass by the Cleveland Clinic and have an anxiety attack before my anger starts coming out. It was so great to have other people who just understood me and had the similar feelings that we have. I finally felt like someone could sympathize with our pain. Everyone else in the class shared their story. There are 5 other babies/children who were brought into heaven way too early. We listened to the other 5 stories as I cried with each of the other moms. I have found so much help and support from this group of people. This is going to be a great release and experience for Frank and I. We always end each group with a nice prayer that helps to keep my faith going.
Third group meeting:
Our homework for this week was to answer the following questions. I felt comfortable answering these questions and I will share my answers here:
1. How has the loss of your love one affected you? I have learned to cherish every moment in my life.
2. How do you think you are coping? I think that I am coping the best to be expected. I also think I have dealth with my grief in a healthy way.
3. Who are your greatest supporters? Frank has been my rock. Family, friends, and my August Moms. I have been amazed by all the help and support that has been shown to us through this process.
4. What's the most challenging thing you find yourself dealing with? What to say to others when they ask me about what happened to my baby.
5. What have you had success with or dealth with rather well? Positive thinking about our future. Also my marriage has become an extreme level of strength that nothing will ever affect us the way this has. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything!
We shared our answers and it was comforting to hear what other people had to say in response to the same questions. Next, we talked about our funeral and gave a description of the day. This was very comforting for me to share when I focused on where Frankie is. Right next to the greatest and strongest woman I have ever met in my entire life, my Grandma Allen. She is the world's best woman and my Frankie is the best little guy up there. They make a perfect pair. When Frankie and I spoke about our funeral, we focused on how it was small, special, private, and just the way we would have wanted it. Perfect was how we both summed it up in one word. We enjoyed to hear other poeple talk about the day for their angel. Some people kept it small, some had a very large gathering, some had a party. Everyone was so happy with their service. We also found out that one of the other little boys is at the same cemetery. I am sure Joey and Frankie are friends!
We shared some comforting things that people have done for us. We also shared things that really hurt us as we went through this process. One of the most comforting things to me was how many people sent us gifts, cards, flowers, thought of us, called to check on us, brought us food, kept me busy while I was off on maternity leave, and just the kindness of family and friends. We will never be able to forget this. One of the things that hurt me through this process was friends who were not there for me. Luckily I only had one which I will not be able to forgive that person for this and she is not longer my friend now. My life is better without negative people bringing us down and expecting us to be the same people we were months ago.
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