My First Mother's Day

This post is a little late, I have had a lot going on but nothing like a quiet holiday to catch up on some things that mean the most to me. This blog is very important to me as it lets me vent my feelings and share the happiness in my life. I try to have as much happiness in my life as I can despite having that spot in my heart that thinks of my first born many times a day.

I want to share my first Mother's Day. All things considered, it was a good day. Yes I was missing my Frankie and I had lots of tears to share on this day. My husband is my rock and made sure I had one of the best days I could ever have. He wanted to make sure my first Mother's day was something that I would remember. The whole week leading up to it was so special. All of the cards I received, gifts from friends, text messages, phone calls, and emails made me feel on top of the world. This was a day I was not sure what to expect. Leading up to the day, I was sad. It is not just Mother's Day but it brought out lots of feelings that I have been carrying in my heart over the last 8 months. Sad that I can't hold my baby in my arms, worried about disappointing him, and scared that I can't protect him from this world.

On Friday after a very long work day, Frank and I were going to go out for dinner. Before we left, I received a package in the mail. In it was a gift from my August 2012 moms. I have always wanted one of the footprint necklaces and guess what, I GOT IT! These moms took the time out of their busy lives to coordinate this gift to arrive on Mother's Day weekend. It went back to March when one of the August moms reached out to Frank to get a scanned copy of Frankie's footprints that they took in the NICU. My husband kept it a secret the whole time. As soon as I opened it, I put it on and it has not come off since. I will always have Frankie's footprints close to my heart.

Saturday I spent with my inlaws. It was a great day that was very calm and relaxing. I had an amazing dinner prepared by chef Frank (my father in law) at JJ's & Manda's (Frank's sister and now my sister- I couldn't be happier to say that right now) new and gorgeous house. It was perfect. We spent the afternoon and evening with the most amazing family a girl could ever ask to marry into.

Sunday was a bittersweet day. I woke up to find Frankie gone and preparing breakfast. I was told the night before not to get up until he came up to get me. He made me my favorite breakfast- strawberry crepes. He even woke up early and went to my favorite bakery Fragappanes (he made it all by himself and anyone who knows Frank will tell you he has no sense of direction) and got me my favorite bakery item- cheese Danish. He also stopped to get me my favorite coffee to indulge in. About 9am, my handsome husband woke me up and had this whole breakfast ready. He sat in bed with me and let me watch one of my favorite silly reality shows and didn't even complain or tease the girls. Now that is my kind of morning! Next, we went about our usual Sunday routine and went to go and visit Frankie at the cemetery. I kept a strong face most of the time we were there visiting and talking. I had to tell him thank you for allowing me to live my dream of being a mom. Frank also gave me my gift at the cemetery while we were visiting Frankie because he wanted Frankie to be part of giving it to me. It was an open heart necklace for mother and child. The part where the child was in blue, the color we believe was Frankie's favorite because he loved being warm under those billi lights in the NICU. Don't ever take him off those billi lights is what we learned! This necklace has so much meaning, as all of my loss jewelry does and I wear them every day. Next we went shopping at Target and Frank didn't even complain once (a huge step!). Then on Sunday evening we took my mom out to dinner at her favorite place- Olive Garden.

I couldn't have asked for a better day. Every single person who sent a card, a sweet text message, a facebook post, or a phone call- I appreciate all of you. Thank you for making my first Mother's Day unforgettable!

Katy