Letter 6

10/31/12

Happy Halloween Frankie! Halloween is a holiday where kids dress up in ohhh so cute costumes and go knocking on doors for treats. It is a fun holiday that was one of my favorite as a kid. I loved going out and getting candy and dressing in an awesome costume. I was going to have you dress in this cute giraffe costume that your cousins Violet, Vinny, and Casey also wore when they were babies. You would have made the cutest giraffe! I was also going to have you wear this onesie that said “take me to my mummy”! How stinkin is that??!! If you were awake when we were there to see you on Sunday, I had it with me to show you. I hope you approve of it. I also meant to tell you that I am not sure what the meaning of Halloween is but I was going to let Daddy tell you that. He is better with this kind of stuff where I am better at just putting all the details together and making everything/everyone look good!

Are you, your Grandmas, and Silvie ok up there? I know the weather is usually pretty perfect but we had a hurricane named Sandy hit us. We were without power for about 2 days here in Cleveland. It was so cold and made for a rough few days. The power is back on tonight and I have never been happier to come home to a house that had heat and lights again! We are doing ok now that we are back to normal.

Mommy had a rough day today and spent a lot of time thinking about you. Today would have been your first holiday with us. One of mommies friends from the board said you had the best costume, an beautiful angel with big wings.  I know you are just perfect!

Daddy is very happy that the Giants won the World Series. I know you gave a few winks of those big brown eyes to get some things happening in the right way up there. Thank you for allowing Daddy to be happy that his team won. I can’t say he was over the top excited but I know that was because he would have wanted you cuddle with him watching it. Thank you for allowing Daddy and Papa to be happy. They really appreciate all that you did to make things happen.

I love you so much buddy and wanted to wish you a Happy Halloween! Let Grandma know that you get extra dessert tonight and pizza for dinner to celebrate. Have so much fun up there on your first holiday. We will see you/talk to you soon.

Hugs, swaddles, and kisses to you,

Mummy and Daddy

 

 

 

 

So many amazing people help us...

This memory box was sent to us this week from a friend from highschool. Her name is Lisa Sine (Barlow). She sent me a message a few weeks back asking me if she culd make him a memory box. I felt so wonderful that someone that I have not seen in so many years reached out to help us. This will give us a special place where we can keep all of Frankie's things and pictures. So very touching all the wonderful gifts we have received through this process. I owe so much to so many people.

It is just amazing how many people go out of there to help others. Cards, jewelry, kind words, food, and just letting me know we are in your thoughts and prayers. So many people have kept me going through this process saying how strong and amazing I am. The people I need to give credit to are our amazing family and friends for being so kind and patient with us, the best group of moms in the world on my August birth month board, friends from near and far who have shared their kind words, thoughts, and prayers. The one person who I owe everything to through this process is my amazing husband. If it wasn't for him, I would not be able to keep going day to day.

I have such a huge heart to all of the wonderful friends and family that have helped me through this process. If it wasn't for you all, I would not have the strength to function each day with a smile.
XOXO

Frank P. Cirillo IV

Honest to goodness, can he be any cuter. Melts my heart every single time!

Letter 5- Oct. 27, 2012

10/27/12

Hey my sweet baby,

I hope you don’t mind that I am writing to you again. You are always on my mind a lot and I have been thinking about you and more and more lately. Missing you more and more too. This missing you is not becoming any easier.

All the kids on the August board are so adorable in their Halloween costumes. You have made so many friends on the board.  I always remind the moms to let your fellow babies know that you are watching over them to keep them safe. You would be so cute in a costume; we had a giraffe costume from Aunt Mo for you to wear. You would have been just like you cousins Violet, Vinny, and Casey. They were always so cute in this costume.

The other night, I received a memory box in the mail that a friend of mine from high school made for you. I am going to fill it up with special things that we have from you. It will be kept very close to us and know that you are with us in spirit. It is so pretty and I will post some pictures of it very soon to share with everyone. It is going to be so special and I can’t wait to put all the Frankie things in it!

The other night Dad came upstairs and told me about his favorite moment with you after he was reading the letters to you. You would never mind if Daddy starting writing you a letter in this blog/journal, right? Daddy’s favorite memory with you was when he was holding you in the NICU for the first time after we arrived shortly after you. He was telling you everything that was happening and what the plan was going to be for you and me. He took such good care of us and kept it all together and made sure we were both safe. As he was holding you and telling you about this, the nice nurse practitioner Sharon that we liked came up and told Daddy “he is listening to every single word you are saying”. The picture of this happening just melts my heart. I have been thinking about it nonstop since Daddy and I were talking about it the other night when he came to bed. I wish you were here so you and Daddy could have more moments like this because he is the best story teller out there! I can promise you that!

Right now the Giants are up 2-0 in the bottom of the second. They are sooooo winning this World Series it’s ridic as mama says! If you were here with us, we would let you stay up all night to watch the game and celebrate with us!

Dad went and saw Dr. Chuck today. He was going to be your Dr. and my plan was for me to send you and Daddy to appointments together. He told us how sorry he was that you had to leave this world so early and enter into a great place- heaven. Dr. Chuck hopes you are doing well up there and says hello. Daddy was even good enough at the office that he grabbed a sucker on the way out!

We love you so much and miss you more and more buddy. We will also see you bright and early tomorrow morning.  I think we may head to the gym after we visit you. We have to keep ourselves looking good so you are proud of us! Can we get you anything for Halloween? We will think of something special to bring you! See you in about 12 short hours. Love you so much! Swaddle it up in heaven there tonight because it’s cold out now! Love you again and again times a million!

Letter 4- Oct. 25, 2012

10/25/12

Hi gorgeous baby!

First, I have 2 weeks to catch up on here so this entry is going to be nice and long. Life is going well for mom and dad; I hope things are beyond fabulous up in heaven for you. How is our favorite trio? Are you behaving and only riding Silvie as a horse when Gram is there, right? You are an angel so of course you are behaving! 

Let me tell you what is new with us. Daddy’s company bought another company. Pretty exciting news but it is making lots of work for him. Mom’s work is ok.  I would rather be home on maternity leave snuggling you all day! I know we would be having the time of our lives! Not a single job out there could take place of that and something great is going to happen for mom. We went to our first Brown’s game together and THE BROWNS WON!! Woof woof tell Grandma as we hang up the phone on her. She will understand. I bet you the Cirillos’ were the good luck charm! Thanks for letting us come and visit you early that day so we could get to the game on time; I hope you enjoyed your new cool gifts we brought you! Last Thursday Mom had to work like 18 hours, not even kidding you! I did get to leave for a bit and go to dinner with Dad when he surprised me and met me out at Legacy Village. We went to this terrible restaurant called Stir Crazy. It was awful L Just was not good food at all. We went across the parking lot (almost getting killed because Dad’s fault) to go and get a slice of Cheesecake. Now that was good but Mom didn’t like the waitress because she was not very nice. I was so exhausted after working all day but couldn’t wait to get back home with Dad. The next day I was so sleepy and did not have a productive day at work. That was 10/19 and you would have been 2 months old. I think that was weighing hard on our heart that day. I posted a picture that Dad took of you immediately after you were born and before I even got my eyes on you and all of Mom’s friends on her August mom’s board thought you were the best thing ever! That night we received lots of phone calls and text messages by everyone checking in on us to make sure we were ok. We have such great people that watch out for us. Aunt Manda came over that night and we had pizza and went to some cool haunted houses. The next day we had a wedding to go to. Sunday was a fun day at home and doing things around the house. I wish you were here with us and we would have stayed in “jams” all day and cuddled because that was the kind of day Dad and I had. When we went to visit the trio, Nana and Tata were there to say hello. They brought you the cutest bear for Halloween and some pretty flowers to mix in the ones that we brought for you guys to you’re your home looking good. Then we were off to work again on Monday, good times. On Wednesday Aunt Mo and I had our last cooking class together. It has been a good thing to do to help keep my mind busy. The Giants are in the World Series right now. Game 1 was last night and in the classic words of your father “the Tigers got their d*%ks kicked in”! Daddy wishes you were here with him to watch the game but knows that you are Gram are watching it in heaven and making some “things happen” to make sure Daddy’s team wins. Thanks for that buddy! Tonight is game 2 of the World Series and we are just starting it as I type this letter to you. I want to get your Giants clothes out and snuggle with them for good luck. I was thinking, they won in 2010 and that was the year that Dad and I got married. Now 2012, the next best thing happened- you were born! I wonder what 2014 has in store for the Cirillos and the Giants! Tomorrow is Friday, thank goodness so I get to spend 48 straight hours with Daddy, hehe! We are meeting friends out tomorrow night; maybe enjoy a cocktail or 2. No other big plans for us this weekend and I am ok with that.  We will be by to visit on Sunday. I will be bringing you something fun, can’t wait!

Can I ask you a favor little man? A new little boy named Hunter Carrillo was brought to heaven tonight. Can you make friends with him and show him the ropes up there? Mom joined a prayer chain for him over the last few days. He is a baby just like you and needs some help. I know you and Gram will help him. Share Silvie with him too buddy, that will make Hunter happy.

 

Then last Thursday, Mommy sent Daddy an email about you. I am going to add it here. What a blessing you are and you are one special little guy. Here is a copy of the email:

Katy Siftar katy.siftar@gmail.com	Oct 18 (7 days ago)
to Frank

Hey sweets,

I thought I would share this with you! I am having a not so good day
so far because of a few people that we need not to mention names. I
was back by our copy machine at work organizing some stuff that I
needed to copy. We have all these corproate auditors in at work. This
team is not usually here so they are not real familiar with the
employees here. I sent a thank you card and a picture to Homewood and
they asked if they can post it on this employee board we have that is
over our copy machine. The auditor who is also a nurse said "that is
such a nice thank you card there. Then that baby is just beautiful,
is that an employee in this buildings baby". I said yes it is mine. I
smiled and said yes he is just gorgeous and he is our angel. She then
said he has billi lights on and has a tube, is Frankie ok? I said no
actually he is not doing well. I was not going to go much futher then
that and leave it there. I took a deep breath and blinked my eyes so
they were not welled up with water. I said he is our angel in heaven
after 6 of the best days of our lives. She said Oh my gosh, I am so
sorry and gave me a hug. this was in front of about 6 people. I walked
back into my office and was sitting at my desk just taking a minute.
She then asked if she could come in (nicest thing ever in my book
because I never have a single person ask if they can come in to the
office but just walk in and have a seat). I said of course and she
shut the door and came in. We had a nice 15 minute talk about things
because she was a NICU nurse for 30 years. She said
she had some babies who passed away in her care but only lost 5 in a
30 year time. She told me "you are the most amazing and strongest
person i have ever met in my entire life. Your baby died 2 months ago
tomorrow and you don't cry. You look at him and smile and tell me he
is an angel". She then went on to explain how people can't function
after they loose a baby and have to quit jobs. We talked about you and
she went on to say we the strongest couple that she has ever met or
heard about in her life. We had another 10 minute conversation
explaining how we visit Frankie, think about him, write to him, show
him off, look at pictures, etc. She then said you are going to be
getting the best surprises coming our way because we represent and
stay so strong for Frankie. I told her yes we are going to, it is just
amazing and i am so excited for what Frankie is going to cook up for
us to have a fabulous new life together as a family.

I wish you were here right now because I would give you the biggest
hug ever. This woman saying this was hands down the best thing I have
had someone say or do to me since this happened. A stranger noticing
this. The best part of this entire conversation was the line of "That
baby is beautiful, whose baby is that" as I stood tall and strong and
said it is mine and he is a gorgeous angel".

I am sooooo proud of us baby!

 

                      

I ended that with I am so proud of us. I am proud of all 3 of us. You are amazing and an angel watching over our families. You are doing such a good job! I am proud of Daddy and I because every day we put one foot in front of the other and go about our days despite being sad and wanting to break down because we miss you so much.

Thanks for listening to Mom blab. It is going to be getting cold this weekend and I think we are going to be stuck in the cold from here on out. Stay warm and make sure you are swaddled. You need to have those bili lights on you, you loved those darn things! Just like mom, you like to be warm and cuddled up tight. Wednesday is Trick or Treat. I wish you were here because I would be dressing you up in some crazy costumes all month long. “Cute as hell” as Mom and dad like to say! You are getting the easy way out; I will have other Cirillo children to torture here soon! Enjoy trick or treat and smile real cute!

We love you so much Frankie. You make us so proud.  I think about you and brag about you all day long! Happy Halloween Angel Frankie!

Mom and Dad

Letter 3- Oct. 13, 2012

10/13/12

Hey Buddy,

We hope you are having a great time up there in heaven. Grandma taking good care of you? Dad always says that she can’t give you any red wine to drink (yet at least). I say a little nip never killed a person J   Is Silvie taking you on lots of rides? Are you only riding when you have an adult watching you, right?

All is going well here. It is Saturday night here. Dad is playing on his I-Pad and here I am browsing the inter webs and I decided to write you a letter. Fall is here in full force now and I love it! We went shopping today and had fun. We even bought you a surprise and I can’t wait to show them to you tomorrow when we come to visit! Make sure you get to bed at a decent hour tonight because we are going to be there to visit a little earlier then we usually do. Daddy and I are going to the Brown’s game tomorrow. I have never been to a Brown’s game with dad so I am pretty excited! We will be all dressed up in our gear tomorrow when we arrive and I hope we look good for you in our new shirts! Daddy is wearing his right now and let me tell you- he looks H-O-T!

We think about you quite a bit. We miss you more than I can even express in words. My favorite thing to think about is when you were first born and you were so alert. You kept putting your head up to check Daddy and I out. Melted my heart and still does each and every time I think about it. Last weekend we took our yearly anniversary picture and we had you in. You wore the Giants T-shirt that Daddy bought you a few summers ago when they went to San Francisco. I also have a few things to thank you for. We appreciate you giving up your name and allowing us to name your sister Francesca aka Frankie. How freaking cute is that going to be? Also, mommy really liked the rainbow that I saw on my way to work on Monday. I can’t help but think you had something to do with that so many thanks to you!

We are so excited to see you tomorrow! Sunday mornings are now my favorite time! We think of you all the time and I just smile and think of what a wonderful little guy we have. We are so proud of you! Nothing else really new here with us, same old same old. I am back at work now and looking for a transition soon. Then I won’t be so busy and stressed at work so I will only get to think more about you! Haha!

Love you so much my little man! Let us know if you need anything, we are pretty boring these days and always available on a moment’s notice.  We will see you in the morning and look forward to getting your weekly surprise!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

 

Letter 2- Sept. 27, 2012

9/27/12

Week of 9/23-9/29

Hello Frankie,

How are you? I bet you are having so much fun with Silvie. Are you making sure to be careful and listening to Violet, Petie, and LaLa? I am your mother so I have to pull that mother card whenever I can! No really- we hope you are doing well and loving life with your new doggy! I want to make sure you are warm, eating plenty of good food, resting enough, and having the time of your life up in heaven. You deserve to be having so much fun up there. You know if you need anything, just send us a message and we will be right there to take care of it!

Mommy and Daddy are doing well. Right now it is Thursday night and we are resting on the couch watching the Brown’s game right now. Dad is playing on his I-pad and I am thinking of you so I wanted to send you a letter. Uncle Bonds and Uncle Ollie are sleeping on me right now. If you can’t be here, they are the next best thing to snuggle with! I had a spa day today from Dad. It was so nice and I feel so good about myself again! I talked about how wonderful you were to all of the ladies at the salon. They asked about you and I found myself smiling and saying “Frankie is just gorgeous. He arrived on August 19^th at 2:34am. I was in labor for 3.5 days before he decided that he was ready to come out. Frankie weighed 6lbs 7oz and we are smitten”. You make me so proud and I know what it feels like to be a mom and love bragging about your child now!

On Tuesday Oct 2 makes 2 years for Daddy and I being married. We are going to celebrate next weekend and we are so excited that over the last year of marriage, you were conceived and we were made parents by the sweetest and strongest little boy God can make. In honor of you, Daddy and I thought of a girl name that we like. If you are the big brother of a sister, we decided we are going to name her Francesca. It will be Frankie for short and she will know every part of her name is from her big brother. Is that ok with you buddy? We thought it would be a honorable way to remember you and nothing would make us and the entire family who loves you more happy than that.

I will be returning to work next week. We are going to be back to busy again here but we are never too busy for you. If you need anything at all, just let us know. We will always be there on Sundays to visit. I don’t know, maybe some time we will mess things up and catch you and your grandmas off guard and visit on another day. I don’t know… Haha!

We love and miss you so much! Sending you lots of warm snuggles from mommy! Have fun and “swaddle it up”! Love you Frankie!

Mommy and Daddy